I am 70 years old today and have spent most of it crying. My head hurts so much I cannot push it out of the picture. I am sick and alone, and that's the way it is here today. If I felt up to it I would do something different than what I am doing, which is staring at the emptiness around me. I wish I had someone here with me to talk to, but I don't. I wish my head didn't hurt so much, but it does. My reality is not your reality, so I don't expect you to understand, yet possibly some of you do. I am not the only person who has had to go through difficult times, but know, that for me, these are the most difficult of times. I always look forward in hopes that things will improve, but in the last few years they have only gotten worse. I have not given up, or found it necessary to hide myself in a bottle, or a handful of pills. I have fought many battles in my life and won a few here and there. It is something I just do and will keep doing. I write this today as a reminder to me of how it really is, as opposed to how I wished it were...or how others may believe it is...
Bob Jameson April 20, 2015
Birthdays have always been unhappy days for me. I generally can't wait for the day to pass. I once had expectations, but have long given up on them. Expectations always lead to disappointments. As we get older birthdays tend to remind us of our life, where we're at and how did we get here. Being alone , missing your mother & brother and being in pain all contribute to the tears rolling down your cheeks. One disappointment after another makes it hard to have hope that things will get better.I guess you have to struggle everyday not to focus on all that have gone wrong, but, to try to see something may go right. The cold hand of reality slaps you in the face and what you wish is not what it is...that's hard to swallow, but, as you said it's better than swallowing a bottle or a handful of pills. I wish all who really care about you could click their heels 3 times and end up in San Luis at your door. We'd sprinkle magic dust on you taking away the headaches and maybe turning those tears into smiles...
ReplyDeleteSomething to remember on your birthday and year round:
ReplyDeleteJust Because of You
Suddenly, here comes thirty
Years since you were born
Your friends and family gather
To celebrate that happy morn
When you first came among us
This quick conviction grew:
The world is a better place
Just because of you!
Just because of you the world is brighter
Just because of you our burden’s lighter
Just because of you and everything you do
The world is a better place
Just because of you
But suddenly here comes fifty
And it’s not as you had planned
Filled with fading memories
Like an hourglass and the shifting sand
How often you have asked yourself,
“What am I really meant to do
Since dreams are merely stepping stones
To finding what is true?”
Just because of you the world is brighter
Just because of you our burden’s lighter
Just because of you and everything you do
The world is a better place
Just because of you
And suddenly here comes seventy
Years you’ve been alive
You’ve loved and lost and lived and learned
And wondered sometimes how you’d survive
But every time you faltered
Somehow you always knew
The world is a better place
Just because of you!
Just because of you the world is brighter
Just because of you our burden’s lighter
Just because of you and everything you do
The world is a better place
Just because of you
© 1999 Tim McMullen
All Rights Reserved
So sorry Bobby. Hope things improve soon!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, Bobby. Thanks for everything, your art has helped me more than you can imagine. -G
ReplyDeletebob you are doing well, you are strong (even if you feel weak right now). and wise, keep doing what works. like taking it slow and easy does it. if it were up to me I would be there sitting by your side.
ReplyDeleteDear Mr. Jameson,
ReplyDeleteHappy belated Birthday. I ran upon your blog when I googled the name Tom Leatherwood. He spewed the same hatred filled drivel to me because he didn't like something I wrote. I laughed so hard when you said you would kick the living shit out of him. I would love to see that! Anyway, you seem like a really great person and I wish the best days ahead for you! Take care.
Bobby, we are so sorry you find yourself in this state. But stay with it and stop pushing your friends away, peace.
ReplyDeleteOh come off it, Georgiana.....aka Georgeegal....You wrote the comment above AFTER you found out Bob Jameson had died. Nice try at trying to look like you were anything but ugly to him during the last part of his life , aye. If he were here, he'd tell you to sod off!
DeleteMaybe Bobby had very valid reasons for pushing certain so called "friends" away.
DeleteI also find it odd that Bobby's entry was made 29 days ago and an hour and a half after his death was publicly announced you chose to comment as a caring friend. You even revealed your identity THIS time knowing Bobby wasn't going to read what you wrote.
I hope your comment was your way of making peace with yourself and not just an attempt to give the illusion of being his compassionate friend.
Wow... Didnt count on the date and time being posted, eh?
DeleteSo sorry, hope you have found peace and been reunited with your loved ones...You didn't lose my dear sweet friend, you won, bless...
ReplyDeleteEvery one of us matters, Bobby - you are not alone! If we weren't on separate coasts, I'd invite you out for coffee.
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Thank you for spamming on a dead guy's blog, jim (you scumbag)
DeleteStay classy.
Rest in peace. No more pain.
ReplyDeleteRest in Peace Mr. Jameson, your story brings so much tragedy but great awareness to stand up for yourself in the industry. As a struggling musician trying to put my work out, I always appreciated you being strong to put your story and hardships here for everyone to read. Thank you so much
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this night.
ReplyDeleteI am "anonymous" and I am sorry for the things I said. I wasn't even serious, just trolling you, knowing well of your temper.
In my ignorance I had no idea you would be with us for so short a period of time.
I hope you are happy with your mom and brother, and I hope you will forgive me.
I wish you peace, and I am glad you don't worry, rage, weep or hurt any more.
bobby read your blog and am thinking of you tonight you've been gone awhile but those that knew you know your never really gone your greatest moment in my life wasn't music it was was when my sister od on heroin I went down to the misson in san luis to light a candle I was in a lot of pain when you came out of the hotel across the street where your brother lived I told you what happened I could tell you knew I was hurting you talked to me awhile said some kind things slipped me your number said call anytime you also helped me when I was new to recovery took me to your house in grover at the time played your records talked blues and playing with jesse ed I went in your store once you gave me a turquoise ring I liked when I asked how much you said next time I know you suffered my brother but you also taught me how to live with dignity and keep up the fight I have 35 years clean and sober some of which have been hard but because of guys like you who kept it real and taught me how too I get by I wished Id spent more time with you I loved your shares in meetings people and the press get it wrong about what they say when you left La most real artists get their blood sucked by the artless vampires you stayed true to the art true to who you were you weren't bigger than life you were real life a strong spirit a true musical shaman thanks for crossing my path and ill see you on the other side miss you my brother
ReplyDeleteYou're a piece of shit you muslim goat humper.
ReplyDeleteYour allah is a pig.
I find myself on my 71rst birthday in much the same condition - alone and staring at the walls. I suppose I deserve this. I hope you are in a peaceful place with your family.
ReplyDeletewhy do you feel you deserve this? happy birthday today, I hope you’re there
Delete