Tuesday, February 5, 2008
(part 23) TIME OUT TO REFLECT AND REMIND ME OF MY PURPOSE
Bobby Jameson 2007
I started writing here because I needed, for my own sake, to get a lot of garbage out that I have carried around for a long time. I did not start writing to get the approval of anyone, with the exception of myself. I want my own approval. It is an imperative part, maybe the whole part, for why I am doing this.
When I left LA in 1985 there wasn't 1 person to say goodbye to. My life had ground into a no win situation in spades. The music business had long since blown me off and I knew it. I had no job, no money, and no place to live, and I couldn't think of one reason not to leave, so I left.
I turned my back, as best I could at the time, on all of my years in LA. I wanted to forget who I used to be and everything that went with it, and that is the load I am now attempting to write down here. Because I have surfaced after 23 years, and made myself somewhat available to just about anyone, I find myself being almost dragged at times into controversies involving records I have made and songs I have written in the past.
It is a carbon copy of my life as I once knew it being rammed up my ass all over again and incredibly enough involves the very same issues, records, and songs that it did the first time around. People are actually upset that I am unwilling to sit by and let them profit from my work without requiring them to compensate me while they do so.
It makes me remember the deadening pain I felt for years listening to some of the most dishonest people I have ever met rationalizing, for their own gain, why I wouldn't get anything for the work I did. I sometimes wonder how I managed to keep myself doing it for so long without being paid.
The only answer is I kept believing that the next deal and the next record would be the one that got me to the top. It never happened. For a myriad of reasons, I never crossed over to the promised land.