Monday, April 21, 2008
(part 56) "THE CHRIST COMPLEX"
The "Christ Complex" came about with the use of LSD. For one to have a "Christ Complex" you don't necessarily have to think you're Jesus, which I didn't, you just have to develop a sense of being something or someone special, which I did. The use of drugs, particularly LSD, has a tendency in some to do this.
If you look closely at my gaze in the original photo for the "Color Him In" cover art you can see that I am very concentrated on something. That something is the "Christ Complex." It seemed to develop out of a sense of frustration and loss.
Coupled with my drug experiences and ability to keep picking up the pieces and become another version of myself, it led me to invent new personalities. This is not an easy subject to broach, but one I feel I must to allow the reader to peer inside the person of Bobby Jameson.
I was now calling myself Jameson. The singular name and dropping Bobby was a very significant feature of the new character I was becoming. My sense, rightly or wrongly, of being connected Spiritually to the Universe, became a powerful new mechanism for me to use in the publicity of "Color Him In" and it's release.
I believed, because I needed to, that all my previous failures and trials were actually part of a bigger picture that I was then beginning to see and understand. It was a way not only to make sense out of what had happened, but to actually give it specific purpose, making it necessary as opposed to accidental in the overall scheme of things.
You can see, I hope, that in doing this I was able to redirect the past into a purposeful focus for the future of Jameson and "Color Him In." I did not have to question what had happened because I had the perfect explanation, manufactured or not. In telling you this I am hoping you will begin to understand how I became the person I became.
There has to be a basis set into this story that allows one to see, not only historical events related to the music business, but the other events more personal in nature, which have to do with emotions and thought processes. It was not just about writing songs and making records. The 60's was a supercharged Spiritual quest for many. It went far beyond the everyday things that most people attend to. I am in no way saying it was right, but conversely, I am in no way saying it was wrong.
History will delegate to the 60's, and the phenomenon of socially restructuring everything, what history itself decides over time. My job is to relay to you my story, good and bad, as best I can on these pages. I hope there will be many instances where you have a hard time with some of what I tell you, otherwise I would have failed utterly to convey truthfully what actually transpired.
My personal focus at the time of "Color Him In" was extreme. I had convinced myself to go where I decided I was to go. In an article from KRLA BEAT in 1967 the title is a dead give away, "Prophet In Leather." I leave you to decide what the intention was in calling it that.
On the back cover of the album there's a picture of me standing on a small rock at the beach. It didn't work out, but the purpose was supposed to be that the tide would come up and cover the rock making it appear as if I was standing on water. The only trouble was the tide was not coming in fast enough so the picture you see is me waiting on the rock for the water.
Every time I got the chance to promote this view of Jameson as more than just a guy who made records I did. I was like a method actor. I was so sold on my character that I was my character. Everything I did and the way I looked was geared to the character I had become and was becoming. My continued use of LSD, downers, and alcohol fueled the motor that drove me on.
Prior to the actual release of "Color Him In" my time was spent convincing myself of my own purpose. In some ways I was a self appointed social critic. In other ways I was a self obsessed ego maniac whose intent was to enrich himself through stardom. What ever I was or wasn't, there is one thing that is clear. The making and promoting of "Color Him In" was the launching pad for the eventual disintegration into alcoholism and drug addiction of Bobby Jameson.