click I get a lot of emails about what I write, as well as comments. Sometimes there are no comments, which is in a way the loudest of all commentary. Much of what is said is positive, but some of it is hard for me to understand, such as passing judgement on me for something that happened 40 years ago.
Some of what I describe is reiterated back to me, via comments and/or emails, as if it just took place, begging the question, "Are you sure you made the right, fair, or best decision in doing it?" Hell no! I'm not sure at all. It's just what I did back then.
If I sound pissed off and frustrated, I am. I'm relating my account, good and bad, about the past. I can't now change my decisions or judgement about the things I did then. I mean I could, but what would be the point? I could tell you a completely different story if I wanted to make myself look a whole lot better, but again, what would be the point?
The things I'm telling you here are at times difficult to relate publicly, because they make my judgement look flawed in some cases. It was, but it is still what I did at the time. Being screwed over, again and again, and taking too many drugs and drinking too much, was a good way to insure chaos, which I did. That is what I'm writing about here.
If you bring your own set of morals and beliefs to the table and read this, then I am sure of one thing, we will have disagreements. If on the other hand you come and read this like a text of a history, which it is, then you may gain an understanding of what I had to deal with, and how I tried to do it.
I am not proud of some of the things I did but they are done. Would I do some things differently now? Probably so, but I can't change the past so I am attempting to look at it for what it was. I was 19, 20, and 21 years old at the time of the story so far, and it was the 60's. Everything was much different then.
The world was changing by the second, and I was loaded and getting more loaded. Like it or not, the reality of alcoholism and drug addiction is progressive. You may think I could have done some things differently, but I am telling you flat out that what I did, even at my worst, was as good as I could do at that moment, whether you like it or not, or agree with me or not.
Once again, I didn't come here to make you like me or agree with me. I came here to tell my story, warts and all. Let's clear some things up! I don't like the music business at all. I have never met such dishonest two faced pricks in my life. I was not paid money I was owed for what I did, and in some cases, to varying degrees, was cheated out of the rights to my work.
To this day, I remain one of the victims of Tony Alamo, Andrew Oldham, Randy Wood, Betty Chiapetta, Abe Somer, Bob Cohen, Ken Handler, Steve Clark, and others.
If that fact changes in my lifetime, I'll become a nicer guy. Until then get off my ass with the, "Why are you so angry and bitter" bullshit. Man! If you don't know by now, at what, and why I am angry then I would suggest you stop reading anything I write because you've missed the point.
If you, your religion, or morals, have been offended or challenged, then maybe you don't really have any. Maybe what you think you believe in is so damned fragile that it's not worth much. I have stayed sober for 32 years living on piss water and phony goodness from condescending people from church's, 12 step programs, and everything else under the sun.
I learned a long time ago that if my sobriety was dependent on anything outside of my own deeply held and personal commitment to stay sober, no matter what happened or didn't happen, that I would be doomed to once again run from reality via drugs and/or the bottle.
I stay clean and sober even though everything that could have gone wrong did. Nobody can shake that, so nobody ought to be able to shake your beliefs about yourself. God is not offended, people are. God is not afraid, people are. God knows one thing about Bobby Jameson, and that is that I didn't quit, even though I had a million good reasons to throw in the towel.
Every day is like a disaster in my life, and it has been for many decades. I do not have the luxury of multiple choices in my daily life. I take what I've been given and I make use of it as best I can for today. I try and show up at this computer to spill my guts on the keyboard so some asshole can decide whether he or she agrees with me.
I don't care whether you agree with me or not. If that were the case I'd just stop writing this, and we'd all be comfortable in our ongoing state of denial. If I complain about not getting paid, somebody questions me for doing so. If I say people in the record business are assholes, somebody gets mad at me for that.
By the time I get through editing the things people don't think I should say, there won't be anything left to say! This is the Bobby Jameson story. This is the Bobby Jameson blog. It is not "critic"s corner" online. I have an attitude! So what? That's part of what makes me me. If you want to read about someone who you agree with you're probably reading the wrong blog.
If on the other hand you are interested in what happened to Chris Lucey/Bobby Jameson 40 years ago in the 60's, I can help you there. This is a true story. There are elements in it that will offend some of you. There are elements that you will disagree with, and you will question my actions and words.
The point of a true story is that it is true. It actually took place in the lives of real people, in real places somewhere in the past. I spent 27 years sober trying to believe that the past was the past and I should just let it be. That almost killed me. Now I am realizing that everything I am today is linked forever to what I have done, what I have said, and what I have thought about.
Only by joining my past with my present will I ever have a future and be a truly whole human being. The past and its wounds will only heal through honest recognition, by the creator of that past in the present light of day, or simply stated, "Acceptance of oneself."
This is another demo from the 1967-68 period...I will continue to post various demos as I go...
Bobby, I am always reading your blog,and am certainly not at all insulted by anything you say.You are such a true talent , not a sham like so many of the others.I too have an attitude and I think that keeps people like you and I sane in this crazy world.I am surprised we never met in Hollywood Hell as I was in so many of the same places as you and knew some of the same people.Your story truly needs to be published in book form..never forget how talented you are ,you brighten my day with your poetry and you have become a very important person to me..people care, I care.My son is fascinated with your blog..he traveled on the road with Randy and I and music is his passion but he never had the chances or luck that his dad had.Anyway no more rambling, just know that you are appreciated
ReplyDeleteJennie
Something you taught me a very long time ago, "You have the right to be angry". You leaned over a table, put your hand on my arm, and looked right into my eyes and said this. It's the first time anyone had ever given me permission to feel my feelings. From as early as I remember, I was taught to do the opposite of this, to squelch the feeling and pretend it was okay. What you have always taught others is authenticity.
ReplyDeleteTerri
Good for you Bobby. It's your blog.
ReplyDeleteIt's your story, and if people can't handle it... fuck 'em!
Like we say in the radio biz (when people complain about content) "if you don't like it...don't listen."
That's why Marconi invented the on/off switch.
I, for one, appreciate your honesty and candor. I've learned a lot.
About you. About the music biz,
about myself. For that, I thank you.
Don't stop Bobby!! I've been avidly reading your blog and I've found it quite moving. Tell your story your own way. I agree with Jennie above. I can see this narrative as a real page-turning book.
ReplyDeleteThere are lots of people out there, Bobby, who haven't yet learned that if they don't like a blog they don't have to read it. The kind of second-guessing they do, well, it's understandable that it pisses you off, and your anger is justified. I wonder how they'd like to have their decisions from forty years ago questioned; on the other hand, I wonder if they'd be brave enough to put those decisions out there for everyone to see. Just keep on, okay?
ReplyDeleteBobby, I think your story is a fascinating one, and I hope you decide to keep sharing it with us. As for people disagreeing with you, like Raul said above, if they can't take it then fuck 'em. The whole point of blogging (in my experience anyway) is that it provides a forum for you to say whatever's on your mind, so keep going!
ReplyDeleteFrom the comments I have made to no comments I have read. I would like this furthered as a novel.
ReplyDeletehaha non-fiction
And I'm not the only one. -mixter
There's no doubt for me, that this is the best blog I've ever read, it offers an incrediable insight into the world of Bobby, as well as the machinations of the record industry.
ReplyDeleteI feel a sense of privilage to be part of this, just to read and share the experience and ejoy the sheer honesty involved.
Keep up the good work, you edit it how you want, take down posts you don't think measure to your standard, it's yours and we're with you.
Sure, not everyone gets it, but those who do, they're in for a great ride.
cheers
J.
I've had my run-ins with the music buisness as well....Its hard to keep from being cynical!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog, and am now a regular reader!!
You speak truthfully-how can that offend?
Bobby,
ReplyDeleteI finished the first 137 posts from the other site. I don't know where to go next to take up where your story left off.
But I am here now on this site, and as I read part 70, my thoughts kept returning to "the music industry that kept screwing you, is just the same as the nurses in the nursing world and the State Nursing Board that kept screwing me by believing the damned lies about me told by other 'nurses' who I had observed as being quite evil for the things they did or didn't do on THEIR job. I know I did my job well.
But I, like you, got screwed over royally! By the big cash cow's known as 'businesses' whether it be music or nursing.
I truly know what it is to feel like, like you have felt, when you know you have been fucked over by the evil greedy ones. No amount of self work or therapy makes the pain go away. It is not what we did, it's what they did to us out of their greed and their only agenda is to take as much advantage of us as they can.
I think it's fucked up! I am now two people in my head, one is sweet and kind and would do anything to help a person, the other is angry and raging over the injustices I've had to withstand.
Yes, we have a right to be angry, but the sad part of it is is that there is no resolution for the anger, and that is what hurts the most.
I want to scream and hit my Psych MD upside the head when he says "It has been so long, when are you going to let it go?"
I'm sorry, Camarillo, will never go away, neither will nursing.
I am still writing my story. It is devastatingly painful to do. But, reading your blogs, has helped me to find the words to tell the whole true stories from/of my life. It's not been easy.
I really feel honored to read your story. One day, maybe you will read mine.
Phyllis Anne