Monday, May 4, 2015

(part 305) As Time Goes By.......




People piss on you and argue a point, which is in their best interest only, then decide that you have no reason to quit speaking to them when you finally get fed up. Friendship to them is being able to say, and do, whatever they want and demand you accept it. I find this to be the height of arrogance and a damn good reason to cut the ties, whatever they were. In 1985 I did this with and entire city, Los Angeles, because I could not come up with one good reason to stay, but a lot of reasons to leave. There wasn't one person in that whole town that I told where I was going before I left, not one person I valued enough to say goodbye to. I had had a belly full of friendships that meant little or nothing when the shit came down, and in my life the shit always came down. I was honest about being endless trouble. Honest about conveying the reality to those I knew and/or those who I met along the way about myself. My take on being me is that everybody gets tired of a person who is always going through hard times, and I had been going through hard times since I began to crawl, to use and old Albert King line. The blues, and the kind of living that gave rise to them, was a lot of what I'd experienced from an early age. Like working in Arizona in the alfalfa fields around Phoenix at the age of fifteen, or unloading boxcars for two bucks at night, because it was too hot in the daytime. In 1956 and 57, in Tucson, AZ., I was put into a juvenile detention center called, Mother Higgins, a despicable place, located at the edge of downtown Tucson. I still can't remember why I was in there, multiple times, other than the word incorrigible is firmly stuck in my mind. That pretty much means I questioned some authority, and according to the dictionary, could not be corrected. So, as you can see, I have had this problem for a very long time, being hard to correct. Many of the people who I once knew, in person, have attempted to correct me with no success. In fact all they managed to do was piss me off and cause me to further separate myself from them. At this point I am pretty well separated from just about everybody. But that is not new. That is exactly the way it was back in 1985 when I just up and left L.A. It took a lot of years to connect with my brother and mother, once I got here to San Luis Obispo, Ca. A lot of work, on all our parts, to become friends and learn to trust each other, and depend upon each other. I had to overcome decades of old ideas, and hurts, before I could open up to them, and they as well, had the same job dealing with me. Friendship is about trust, about acceptance, and about love. It is about reliability and making your word mean something other than just the words being uttered for convenience. This is something my mother, brother, and I, learned to do with each other. We learned we could count on each other no matter what. I attempted this with others, but found it impossible to accomplish. It seems there needs to be something deeper than the average connection with people. There needs to be a deeper yearning to connect in a way that is less prevalent amongst most. There were times, many, that I wanted to pick up and leave here as well, but opted to stay and work through every goddamn difficulty that arose. It was the first time in my life I chose that road and it was a hard way to go, but the most rewarding and valuable in the end. It was like a marriage in many ways, through good and through bad. It was a commitment to someone else instead of just to myself. It made me a better person and it taught me to understand the needs of others rather than demand that they understand my needs. To put back together a broken family, and it's members, is, and was, a daunting task. It takes everything you have to make it work, never stops to ask you if it's convenient, or fun. It is an affair of the heart and mind, and stretches you out like a rope tightened to it's breaking point. But if you persist, and I did, it will reward you in ways you cannot know other than by the doing of it. I am still incorrigible, still pissing people off, and most of all still willing to give it all I got. My mother and brother did not fix me, nor I them. What we learned was to accept each other the way we were, instead of expecting each other to be the way we wanted.

19 comments:

  1. Here you find a way of clearly stating a fact of life that should be so obvious, yet is so hard to actually recognize and even harder to actually do. The resurrection, reconciliation, and reconstruction of your family was both a remarkable achievement and an incredible gift by, to, and from each of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Tim....the rebuilding of my family took a long time, and much hard work from all of us....in the end of was a gift to us all and recognized by each of us as such......as Bill used to say......"What would we do without humor?" There was a lot of laughing, and as many tears......

      Delete
    2. It is so weird, sad and spooky to think just 7 days after the above post to Tim

      ... you would be gone. I almost can't get my head around it.

      I suppose death would be better than being broke and homeless with major headaches, but for some reason I mistakenly thought you were indestructible.

      All I can say is I'm sorry for teasing / trolling you, and I hope you are at peace with your mom and your brother. ☮

      Delete
  2. And now you can join your family. Wishing you peace, (and finally no more headaches)
    Bobby Jameson (4/20/1945 - 5/12/2015)

    RIP

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry Quentin..I know you and Bobby have only recently reconnected when his mom was in the Hospital...Now Bobby can finally have some Peace..At loss for words..Will miss Bobby, have known only through My Space & Facebook around 10 yrs.Can not sum Bobby up or compare to anyone..He was a genuine person, and spoke his mind, honest to a fault....<3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thinking about you tonight. Still come to reread everything. Miiss you and all the stories. Rest in peace

    ReplyDelete
  5. Long ago,I met you on facebook.I loved your music and the players you admired and had worked with. You treated me not only with respect but dignity when I had headaches that were blinding me in pain.I miss you.I am sure you can see this somehow even though I doubt you would have agreed with that.You made me happy.You allowed me to write a song with you,and of course it was never released nor heard.I will make sure it never uis too.You got burnt anough in your life man.But it was a gem and it had beautiful lyrics by you.But I have it.I will always treasure that.Bye for a time and I am happy you are at peace.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Almost 2 years now since your passing. I still read this, and learn something new (about you and about me) every time.

    Rest in peace. I hope you are together with your family in peace and happiness, with no more pain or anger. RIP All the best.

    ReplyDelete

  7. Our elite and high class Lahore Escorts are mostly known for their professional behavior We Provide Best Service to satisfy our customers Vip Escorts in Lahore will help you to get over the depressed state of mind and you will feel much refresh You can make your ride memorable by hiring them to ride.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Our Escorts in Karachi pure has branches in Karachi. We have a tendency to as a team guarantee to come up with the money for you sufficient satisfaction taking into account safety and discretion. Escorts in Karachi Feminine Escorts upon our -panel place device lovely, elegant, gorgeous and loveable still. The good situation practically Pakistani Escorts is capably known all but the world. We have the best Karachi Call Girls of various age range and according to your request of your famous clients. Our won any escorts and exactly speaking device one in the see of them, characters, and physiques and ready to notify you of the certainty which means folks (No Strings Fastened) relationship. They appear extraordinarily stunning in acts and in friendship, providing our customers following genuine Girlfriend skills. Theyre nice performers and besides that the most important critical side they provide is their expertness instinctive perfect at what they are doing. As professional Escorts in Karachi, we are mindful very nearly your level of privacy always.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Keeping that in mind we will welcome you to Ludhiana escorts agency, a brand name which everyone is buzzing in town, a name which is the precedent for high class escort service and place for amusement and entertainment.
    Ludhiana escorts
    udaipur escort service
    Gurgaon escorts
    Jodhpur escorts
    Noida escorts
    Dehradun escorts

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am an Jaipur escorts is the perfect girl to seduce any man by exposing glamour and natural beauty; finding the beautiful girl at Jaipur escorts not so tough because here each escort looks lovely and hot.
    Jaipur escorts
    Nainital escort service
    Goa escorts
    Mumbai escorts
    Pune escorts

    ReplyDelete
  11. Cari Situs Judi Online Terpercaya? Teraman? Banyak Bonusnya?
    Di Sini Tempatnya.

    ZumaQQ, Agen BandarQ, Domino99, Poker Online Terpercaya

    Hanya 4 Tahapan Kemenangan yang MUDAH di ZumaQQ
    Daftar > Depo > Main > Menang!
    Deposit minimal Rp. 20.000,-
    Anda Bisa Menjadi JUTAWAN? Kenapa Tidak?
    Dengan 1 ID sudah bisa bermain 8 Jenis Permainan
    * Agen BandarQ
    * Bandar 66 (New Hot)
    * Bandar Poker
    * Sakong Online
    * Domino99
    * Adu Q
    * Poker
    * Capsa Susun
    Ada Juga Bonus Terhot Se-Indonesia
    Bonus Turnover 0,5%
    Bonus Refferal 10% + 10%

    Yuk gabung bersama kami dan Jadilah Jutawan Berikutnya!
    Website : ZumaQQ
    WA : +85517812404
    Line : ZumaQQ

    blog ZumaQQ

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ludhiana escort services area unit good for each things the woman of your alternative and accompany you on a alone night time or throughout any event you wish. Ludhiana escorts gives the best decisions of escort organizations who will accommodate you an essence of the delights to offer you.
    Ludhiana escorts
    Call Girls in Ludhiana

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lahore is the best and wonderfull city in Pakistan I love Lahore if you are in Lahore and Serach Escorts Service then see our website Lahore Call girls 03053777077 Lahore Escorts we offer you best Escorts service in Lahore

    ❤👯🙋🏻💃💙💋Love is heat but very sweet fully hot sex every time right need human being ❤👯🙋🏻💃💙💋 girls is superpower of man long term life with love 👫💚💜❤👩‍❤️‍👨

    Welcome to our website I have many new girls in your Town (Lahore). call any time +923053777077 )❤💙💚( pakistan ) 🙋🏻 💃 💙 💋 (escorts in lahore)❤💙💚

    Lahore is the best and wonderfull city in Pakistan I love Lahore if you are in Lahore and Serach Escorts Service then see our website Lahore Call girls 03053777077 Lahore Escorts we offer you best Escorts service in Lahore


    ReplyDelete
  14. Happy Birthday, Bobby

    Here's hoping you're in a good place with your mom & brother. All the best.
    ☮☮☮

    ReplyDelete
  15. i am browsing this website dailly , and get nice facts from here all the time .

    ReplyDelete