(part 209) DEMOS AND CHOICES

Love 1980-81 demo


When Ronald Reagan was elected president in 1980, Dennis and George were thrilled, which I responded to in the negative. I recall at the time that it concerned me, because the philosophical gorge between them and me became even more apparent.

This would later prove to be a major problem, in that Dennis and George's view of the world was at odds with mine. What was reasonable for them was unreasonable to me.

It is hard enough to come to terms with arrangements between human beings, but when you throw in religious and political differences, it just adds to the confusion.

Personally I liked Dennis a lot, and tried hard to compromise with him for a long while, but as time ticked by, month after month, it became increasingly apparent that continuing for a second year was going to be out of the question.

My worries about losing my entire income, and my house, were almost enough to get me to go along with Dennis's demands about the publishing rights to older songs of mine.

Through it all I stood my ground on that issue, knowing full well I was going pay for it in the end and be relegated once again to the world of financial chaos.

As usual, when I was concerned about things, I wrote songs and made demo recordings to keep myself busy, and my mind off the negativity that loomed ahead.

I did that a lot in 1980 in my little house in West Hollywood on Westmount Dr. Part of it was this. In the back of my mind I always believed I would someday write that one song that would do it for me.

One song that would give me the recognition and financial success that would keep me out of the up and down meat grinder I had lived in much of my life.

I was always sure it was the song I was writing at the time, which is why I wrote song after song. With each failed attempt at success, I was motivated to try again, and again, and again.

I was making $500 a week, but could see the writing on the wall ahead. If I wouldn't bend to the will of those paying me, I would be cut off, and once more relegated to the street, or a guest of an interested female.

It probably doesn't sound all that terrible to some, but believe me, when you live that way as much as I did, it gets real old. I just wanted a life that was stable for more than a year or so.

I knew if I gave in to Dennis on the RCA songs that I could have gotten at least another year or more out of the arrangement, but I couldn't make myself do it.

It wasn't like my ex-girlfriend and her family were making demands on me over the the song rights, it was more of a personal issue with me and my own personal honor.

I knew from experience what kind of corners were cut to facilitate people's goals, so I held fast to my conviction that what was right was right.

Because I was sober, I needed to know, by my own actions, that I was doing the right thing, even if nobody noticed or cared except me.

I had to have a standard to live up to when the music was the issue--without it I may have just thrown in the towel and gotten loaded.

I will never know, other than looking back on it now, whether choosing what I chose, was a major part of staying clean and sober through it all.

Afraid To Get Hurt Again 1980-81 demo

(part 208) DEALS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN

I argued for months with Dennis over the copyright issue concerning the earlier songs I had written before becoming involved with him and his partner George.

I told him that when we'd first decided to work together, the so called RCA recordings, and publishing rights to those songs, had not been brought up as an issue one way or the other.

His current approach, I reminded him, was based simply on his conversations with other attorneys who had convinced him to pursue this new line of thinking.

I offered to split my half of the rights with him, which would have amounted to a quarter of the overall value, but he was not interested in that, and persisted in his demand for half of the full copyright.

I told him again and again, that I did not own the full copyright, in my estimation, and was not going to stick it to the people who had once helped me. But no matter how I tried to explain it to him he maintained his position, saying I could do anything I wanted with those copyrights.

I agreed with him in theory, that this was probably the case, but I wasn't going to do it, because I believed it was wrong. I said they'd put up their money, which was a lot more than Dennis and George had invested, and that the songs and masters were, by default, co-owned by them, period.

Making matters worse, Dennis and George expected the musicians, who'd played on Barrooms, Ten Cent Call, and Outlaw, to rehearse with me for free, and get the band ready to perform live gigs, of which none existed at the time.

I tried to explain that these were union scale studio musicians, who were sought after by others, and could not be expected to work for free, anymore than Dennis and George would do legal work for free. If I couldn't pay them for their time, someone else would.

I said, "No one's gonna work for me for free. I've had that done to me too many times in the past, and I'm not going to do it to these guys. They are not amateur players looking to start a band in their neighborhood garage, they're studio musicians who got to where they are by years of hard work."

Dennis and George just didn't get it, but I finally got them to agree to pay each one of the musicians $50 a rehearsal, but they soon decided they didn't want to spend the money so it stopped.

I thought Dennis and George's time would be better put to use if they spent more of it trying to get a label to release the record, but they hadn't even started down that road.

Dennis in particular, was consumed with gaining as much control over copyrights, and producing a monstrosity of a contract for me to sign, than he was in securing a label to release the record.

I tried unsuccessfully to explain to him that all these parts had to work together or the whole thing would go nowhere.

In the end I began to fall back into my all too familiar territory of watching the latest deal fold under unnecessary demands and pressures, issued forth by lawyers entrenched in thinking that guaranteed failure over compromise.

Maybe Baby demo 1980-81

(part 207) LAWYERS, CONTRACTS, AND PUBLISHING

Out of the four songs recorded, "The Sun Don't Shine In Barrooms" was another of the studio tracks. I was screwing around with the vocal, and just kind of fell into a straight country performance as a joke, but it worked so well we decided to pursue it seriously in the studio.

Rather than shy away from the strict country lean of the song, we followed it. With Dave Pearlman's excellent steel guitar playing as the guide, and Ben Benay's spot on Les Paul licks, the song started playing itself.

Aided by Colin Cameron's steady hand on bass, and Jim Ponder's drum work, the studio performance surprised us all. When I listened to the track playback I had no doubt as to the way the vocal should be done.

It hung together so well that it invited the vocal, as opposed to trying to figure out how to do it. It just said, "lay it down country like you mean it!" I overemphasized the twang, but again, when I heard the playback it sounded tight and natural.

Without planning any of this in the beginning, it became for me, a lesson in recording. Sometimes what happens naturally is better than your original plan, if you simply ride along with it.

"Barrooms" was exactly that, we just went along for the ride. Dennis, being somewhat of a country oriented person wearing a suit and tie, thought it was a hit record, and we all tended to agree with him.

It was not the direction we'd set out to achieve, but "Barrooms" and "Outlaw" set their own course, and for the most part we just went along on instinct.

It was then up to Dennis and George, in large part, to prove to themselves they could pick up the ball and run with it, something they were never able to do.

Wanting to be, and even believing you are, in the music/record business does not suffice for hard work toward that end. Dennis's problem was that he was a lawyer, and he thought like a lawyer.

Instead of pursuing a label so the record could be released, he concentrated on creating an iron clad contract for me to sign. He was a studier, so he went to other music attorneys, and asked them their opinions about what was important.

The end result was a contract that gave him and George control of all the songs I had written for the past two years, and all the songs I was going to write for the next five years.

This would have included the songs I'd written for the RCA recordings, which I said I couldn't do. Those songs were in RPJ Music, my company, and were partly owned by the family of my ex-girlfriend.

Dennis said he didn't care about my previous arrangements regarding the publishing of those earlier songs, and continued to pursue his plan to control the publishing rights.

I continued to refuse, because the man who had made their existence possible, to a great degree, as recordings, was now dead. His family had a right, in my opinion, to partial ownership of what had been created when I'd been involved with them.

As usual, my standing on some principle I believed in, led to the eventual demise of the entire deal. Dennis and George became convinced that controlling the publishing was what was important.

This of course was true, in one way, but was the catalyst, as it is in many cases, for the destruction of all else. it served to place Dennis and me at odds with each other, and led in time to the collapse of any further agreement after the one year expired.

When's It Gonna Be Tomorrow....Demo 1980-81

(part 206) THE STORY CONTINUES

In 1980 I was able to reach a verbal agreement with Dennis and his law partner, George, with a written contract soon to follow.

As I wrote earlier, I was going to be paid $500 a week for a minimum of one year. The agreement allowed me to rent a small house in West Hollywood for $750 a month.

It was a lot of money for me to spend, but it was my new home, and I did a lot of work there writing songs and making demo recordings.


Initially I was quite pleased with my life, and began to allow myself the luxury of dreaming about new and positive possibilities for the future.

My nights were set aside for AA meetings, where once again I was viewed more favorably by various members, simply because I wasn't broke and miserable anymore.

"Everybody loves a winner," I thought, and I mused that my new supporters had not too long ago been my worst detractors. This was truly one of the more callous realities of my experience with Southern California 12 step programs in the 70's and 80's.

None the less, I did enjoy the freedom that a regular salary and home made possible, and once again I fell into the "Hey look at me, I'm successful" bullshit.

After a few months, Dennis and I decided, it would make sense for me to get a band together and go into the studio and cut some of the songs I'd been writing.

He and George were gung-ho on this idea, because they saw themselves as two hot-shot go-getters who believed they could and would conquer the world of music the same way others they read about had.

I did not try to quell their enthusiasm with horror stories about the music business. Their beliefs about the future, and the notion of guaranteed success, served my needs as well.

Once again, I contacted Ben Benay, and asked if he would be interested in putting together a band to do some studio recording with me. I told him everybody would get paid in whatever way he suggested, and that the money wouldn't be a problem.

Ben was excited that I contacted him, and agreed immediately to take on the project. He came up with Colin Cameron on bass, Jim Ponder on drums, Dave Pearlman on steel guitar, John York on backup vocals and guitar, Amy Philbin and her girls doing backup vocals, and himself on lead guitar, arrangements, and co-producer and arranger with me.

As usual, I made some demo tapes of my own at home, and then gave them to Ben so he could make up leed sheets for the players.

He also incorporated my lead guitar parts for the song "Outlaw" in the video below. There were four songs recorded in the studio in 1980, but there were many other songs that remain in only demo form to this day.

OUTLAW

(part 205) SHADOW HUNTER

I WAIT LIKE A BEGGAR
AT THE DOOR OF THIEVES
HOPING FOR CRUMBS
FROM THEIR TABLE

A TABLE BUILT
WITH MY OWN HANDS...
FASHIONED FROM FINE WOOD
GATHERED IN MY YOUTH...

I STAND LIKE A PAUPER
NEXT TO THIER LIES
CONDEMNED BY RIDICULE
FOR MY MISERY

MISERY
I SUFFER
BY THE VERY ONES
WHO BARTER NOW

OVER THAT WHICH
THEY TOOK FROM ME...
PROFITING FROM IT
AS I STARVED

MY PATIENCE RUNNING THIN
I PLEDGE TO MYSELF
I WILL NOT DIE
UNTIL THEY SUFFER...

I WHO WAIT
LIKE A HUNGRY WOLF
FOR THEIR EXIT...
THEIR SWIFT DEMISE

I THE WOLF...
THE SHADOW HUNTER
WELL SUITED AGAINST
THEIR SOFT FLESH...

Bobby Jameson Oct, 1 2009

(part 204) THE CHASING WIND

I WALK IN THE ZONE
BETWEEN HEAVEN
AND HELL
LIFE AND DEATH

I WANDER BENEATH
THE GREAT TIMBERS
OF CONSCIOUSNESS
LIKE AN ANT

SO VAST IS THE
UNIVERSE OF THOUGHT
SO ALIVE THE COLLECTIVE
HEAP OF EMOTIONS

THE PHYSICAL LIFE PAINFUL
THE THOUGHT OF NOT
ENDURING IT ANY LONGER
A DREAM OF FREEDOM

HANGING ON TO THREADS
OF PROMISES FROM
HUMAN LIPS
THAT SINK LIKE STONES

IN THE STILL WATERS
OF THE HEART
NEVER TO APPEAR AGAIN
AS IF NEVER UTTERED

ALL THAT IS LEFT
ARE THE RIPPLES
ON THE POND
AND THE CHASING WIND

AS IT WHISPERS
TO THE STARS
I AM HERE
I AM HERE

Bobby Jameson Sep 2009