Monday, April 20, 2015

(part 303) April 20, 2015....70 Years Old Today





I am 70 years old today and have spent most of it crying. My head hurts so much I cannot push it out of the picture. I am sick and alone, and that's the way it is here today. If I felt up to it I would do something different than what I am doing, which is staring at the emptiness around me. I wish I had someone here with me to talk to, but I don't. I wish my head didn't hurt so much, but it does. My reality is not your reality, so I don't expect you to understand, yet possibly some of you do. I am not the only person who has had to go through difficult times, but know, that for me, these are the most difficult of times. I always look forward in hopes that things will improve, but in the last few years they have only gotten worse. I have not given up, or found it necessary to hide myself in a bottle, or a handful of pills. I have fought many battles in my life and won a few here and there. It is something I just do and will keep doing. I write this today as a reminder to me of how it really is, as opposed to how I wished it were...or how others may believe it is...

Bob Jameson April 20, 2015


14 comments:

  1. Birthdays have always been unhappy days for me. I generally can't wait for the day to pass. I once had expectations, but have long given up on them. Expectations always lead to disappointments. As we get older birthdays tend to remind us of our life, where we're at and how did we get here. Being alone , missing your mother & brother and being in pain all contribute to the tears rolling down your cheeks. One disappointment after another makes it hard to have hope that things will get better.I guess you have to struggle everyday not to focus on all that have gone wrong, but, to try to see something may go right. The cold hand of reality slaps you in the face and what you wish is not what it is...that's hard to swallow, but, as you said it's better than swallowing a bottle or a handful of pills. I wish all who really care about you could click their heels 3 times and end up in San Luis at your door. We'd sprinkle magic dust on you taking away the headaches and maybe turning those tears into smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Something to remember on your birthday and year round:

    Just Because of You

    Suddenly, here comes thirty
    Years since you were born
    Your friends and family gather
    To celebrate that happy morn
    When you first came among us
    This quick conviction grew:
    The world is a better place
    Just because of you!

    Just because of you the world is brighter
    Just because of you our burden’s lighter
    Just because of you and everything you do
    The world is a better place
    Just because of you

    But suddenly here comes fifty
    And it’s not as you had planned
    Filled with fading memories
    Like an hourglass and the shifting sand
    How often you have asked yourself,
    “What am I really meant to do
    Since dreams are merely stepping stones
    To finding what is true?”

    Just because of you the world is brighter
    Just because of you our burden’s lighter
    Just because of you and everything you do
    The world is a better place
    Just because of you

    And suddenly here comes seventy
    Years you’ve been alive
    You’ve loved and lost and lived and learned
    And wondered sometimes how you’d survive
    But every time you faltered
    Somehow you always knew
    The world is a better place
    Just because of you!

    Just because of you the world is brighter
    Just because of you our burden’s lighter
    Just because of you and everything you do
    The world is a better place
    Just because of you

    © 1999 Tim McMullen
    All Rights Reserved

    ReplyDelete
  3. So sorry Bobby. Hope things improve soon!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy birthday, Bobby. Thanks for everything, your art has helped me more than you can imagine. -G

    ReplyDelete
  5. bob you are doing well, you are strong (even if you feel weak right now). and wise, keep doing what works. like taking it slow and easy does it. if it were up to me I would be there sitting by your side.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Mr. Jameson,

    Happy belated Birthday. I ran upon your blog when I googled the name Tom Leatherwood. He spewed the same hatred filled drivel to me because he didn't like something I wrote. I laughed so hard when you said you would kick the living shit out of him. I would love to see that! Anyway, you seem like a really great person and I wish the best days ahead for you! Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bobby, we are so sorry you find yourself in this state. But stay with it and stop pushing your friends away, peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh come off it, Georgiana.....aka Georgeegal....You wrote the comment above AFTER you found out Bob Jameson had died. Nice try at trying to look like you were anything but ugly to him during the last part of his life , aye. If he were here, he'd tell you to sod off!

      Delete
    2. Maybe Bobby had very valid reasons for pushing certain so called "friends" away.
      I also find it odd that Bobby's entry was made 29 days ago and an hour and a half after his death was publicly announced you chose to comment as a caring friend. You even revealed your identity THIS time knowing Bobby wasn't going to read what you wrote.
      I hope your comment was your way of making peace with yourself and not just an attempt to give the illusion of being his compassionate friend.

      Delete
    3. Wow... Didnt count on the date and time being posted, eh?

      Delete
  8. So sorry, hope you have found peace and been reunited with your loved ones...You didn't lose my dear sweet friend, you won, bless...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Every one of us matters, Bobby - you are not alone! If we weren't on separate coasts, I'd invite you out for coffee.

    ReplyDelete
  10. When you are choosing a new paint color to freshen up your ceiling, it is best to use white on your ceiling. This is great because it is of high-gloss paint specifically designed so that it reflects light.
    http://www.cs9988.com |

    http://www.xpressionsbysarah.com |

    http://www.exbulk.net |

    http://www.bearcrawlingnation.com |

    http://www.myhousefix.com |

    http://www.samdannessa.com |

    http://www.empower13.com |

    http://www.vfarm.info |

    http://www.bestof-denver.com |

    http://www.soupehe.com |

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for spamming on a dead guy's blog, jim (you scumbag)
      Stay classy.

      Delete