(part 75) ASSAULT ON A PEACE OFFICER: 2 COUNTS

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I haven't felt much like writing here in a while. I guess all the trying to stick up for what I was saying just finally got to me. It's a work in progress, and I don't have a lot of the skills that it takes to withstand what I'm already far too used to, and that's criticism, a lifetime of it.

I have many things to say, but I don't know if some of the people dropping in here can really handle the story of Bobby Jameson. I haven't even gotten to the bad part yet, and I feel as though what I am moving toward is more than some will be able to comfortably digest.

What I mean is, that each time I write something that makes me look like an asshole, and I am sometimes, there will be those who will want to use it against me, and others who say, "that's not the part I want to hear," while others just want to argue about it.

I am trying to keep on track, but unfortunately I have lost sight of what I was doing here. The only one who this is personal to, is me, it's my personal confession in a lot of ways. I am the only one who knows where this is going, and believe me it's going to get ugly. I'm probably reluctant because I know what that really means: The disintegration of my life, based on repetitive losses and failures that left me broke and resentful at best. Adding alcoholism and drug addiction to that equation is not a moral argument whatsoever, it is a factual depiction of how I changed from a kid who played guitar and made up songs, to the guy who ended up fighting the police in the streets of L A in the 60's and 70's.

It is difficult at times to fit the different versions of myself into a cohesive story line. So whether or not record companies did the right thing, which they don't, is irrelevant to what I thought, said, and did at the time. Most of it was not a good idea, but it was what I said and did. The record and music industry is currently in trouble because it made, and still makes, lousy choices about art, music, and lyrics.

They are not just companies, per se, they are businesses that deal in art, and the emotion of art, which is different than selling tractors. Art is special, and artists are special people, but when you ask art to conform to business instead of business conforming to art, you've got it backwards, which the music industry is finally paying the long awaited price for.

I was a pioneer in standing up for what I believed in at the time, and it cost me everything. I have no plans to argue with anyone about the price I paid for being Bobby Jameson/Chris Lucey. Most people could not, and would not, have done what I did. I don't need to pay anymore of a price than I already have.

You go do what I did for as long as I did, and then come and tell me what you think. I suspect, if you live through it, that you'd be worth knowing and I'd want to know you, but if you don't do that, then maybe I know a few things that others don't know, because I did do that.

In 1968, at the corner of Sunset Blvd. and Clark St., that's where the Whiskey A Go Go is, I and some friends were crossing the street after leaving the Whiskey. We encountered 6 white guys in suits walking toward us and a few words were exchanged between both groups.

We asked these guys if they were cops, and they said they were insurance salesmen from out of town, in L. A. for a convention, and wanted to visit the "Strip." More words were exchanged and a brawl started right in the middle of the intersection. People were knocked down and some were lying in the street hurt. One of them was nearly unconscious and was being approached by one of the suits who was about to kick him in the head.

I ran toward the guy doing the kicking, and shoved him off balance to keep him from carrying this out. At that point the suits all announced that they were Los Angeles undercover cops and that we were all under arrest. They said I attacked a cop, and I was charged with 2 counts of felony assault against a peace officer, which carries a sentence of 1 to 5 years for each count, so I was looking at 2 to 10 years in a CA state prison, if convicted.

I was on trial for over a year, but was not convicted. It took a lot out of me, and it was one more reason to get loaded and frustrated, which I did. It was this event and the year long trial that set the stage for what became the environment for my album "Working."

During these times I found myself always living somewhere different. There was always someone who wanted to manage me, or fix me, or just have me around for a variety of reasons. One thing was for sure, I was like a walking time bomb always ready to go off and never sure of when it would happen.

During that time I lived in a guy's house for a few months. His name was Howard Gilliam. He was rich and he used to tell me that he controlled the world's soy bean market. I never knew whether he did or not, but I lived with him. He thought he could manage me, so I let him have a shot. I did it so I could stay at his house. That's how I lived, I had no home, I was basically homeless for half the 60's and most of the 70's. I looked like I was doing pretty well, because I always drove some one else's nice car and lived in someone else's nice house, or apartment, but in reality, I was just broke and loaded.


Demo from 1967-68 period

(part 74) "WAIT FOR ME" 1968 SONG FOR 2nd VERVE ALBUM

This song "Wait For Me" was also titled "I Promise I'll Be There" and was one of many songs written in 1968 for what was never accomplished. The second VERVE release.

Not knowing the width or depth of what I was attempting to do in a second album, Verve Records dropped me without explanation, payment, or an accounting of any kind for "Color Him In." Because of some of the material's volatility and controversial nature most of what was written and prepared for the album was never heard by anyone at Verve.

The songs, and a few recordings, such as 'HOLY HOLY HOLY," were only part of the structure of the overall concept for the second album. They were so poorly received that the decision to drop me from the label was not even discussed. Verve's decision was made on what they had heard about the songs from various sources. I'm not sure anyone at Verve actually heard any of the music. They were reacting to the concept of the album.

It is quite easy to base a decision for throwing out a barrel of apples, because a couple were unpleasant, but it may be that the rest of that barrel would have been worthwhile. There has always been a flow from negative to positive and back again through all my work, which is apparent when you look at what I have done from 1963 forward.

Some may deem this a side issue, and far afield from the whole story I am endeavoring to tell, but what I have written and posted here, for your consumption, are pieces of my work and my life. To me, each and all that I make available here has it's own history and life within the greater context of the entire history of Bobby Jameson and Chris Lucey.

Verve Records, as Mira Records did before them, made a shortsighted and shallow mistake regarding my second album. Likewise, as some who have followed my story have done, Verve Records never bothered to look past the surface and the rumors and innuendo that followed my recording of "HOLY HOLY HOLY."

Just as the engineer who refused to finish the "Holy Holy Holy" session, and then was convinced by reason to change his mind, I deserved the opportunity to state my case to VERVE which never happened. What is written here and posted here, in any of the forms used, is free, and has never been seen before. Some of what I say and do will be questioned and judged by some, and that is fair, but try to allow me the right to tell my story in my own way. It is not easy to be so closely scrutinized in public, maybe you ought to try it.

(part 73) I JUST STARTED WRITING DOWN THE FACTS ONE DAY

I don't want to have to get in to this, but I feel as though I must at this point. I have been pretty damn sick for over 10 years. I have massive headaches all the time, and blurred vision most of the time. I am not complaining as much as I am telling you of the daily routine of my life.

I haven't had an income in a long time. I have no insurance, but will be able to get Medicare at 65. I live in a 40 year old mobile home with my 89 year old mother, and have to deal with my mentally ill older brother Bill during the day, seven days a week. I have three people, Terri, Kurt, and Nelson, from Narcotics Anonymous, who visit me every now and then, and bring me a carton of cigarettes, which is like winning the lottery.

I try each day to come here and write, whether I feel like it or not. I go to myspace and facebook where I try to communicate with people about this blog and the music I post. It doesn't cost anybody anything, except time, to interact with me. I am accessible to just about anybody.

I try to remember details and dates regarding this blog and at times it is a struggle. I have asked that those who have made money selling the music I created share with me in those proceeds. They have refused. People email me, or leave comments, and say things I do not agree with about this blog. I tell them what I think, and at times they get angry and attack me for my position, but it's my life and my story. A few just want me to write about what they're interested in, but I am trying to convey the whole story in the way that it happened.

Others want me to write about Diane Linkletter's death instead of what I write. There was a two year gap between "Color Him In" and "Working," and I am trying to fit all the parts and pieces of that gap together in a cohesive story line that is accurate as well as interesting. All of the subjects will be discussed when they come up in their proper time frame.

Prior to "Color Him In" it was one record after another from 1963 to 1967, which made the story move along easily from one point to the next. That is no longer the case. I have, and am trying to remember, all that transpired between "Color Him In" and "Working," because it involves 2 years of my life, and represents massive change. There are many factors to be considered.

I am sorry if my desire to keep you entertained and interested has fallen short of some of your expectations. I never planned on writing a blog, or laying out my dirty laundry for everyone and anyone to examine. I actually started this blog by accident. My friend Whiteray, who writes his blog "Echoes In The Wind," did a story on my album "Working." I didn't know him at the time, but I went and read his blog and was surprised but pleased by his opinion of my album. I was determined to leave him a comment, but couldn't unless I got a Google account. In that process I was given a blog on Blogger, and that is how this got started.

I wrote nothing for months, because I did not know what to say. I just started writing here one day, never really expecting anyone to notice, but since then I have gotten a lot of people who read what I write, and some have decided I am merely here to promote myself at other's expense. This is about as irrational a position as I can imagine. I am writing a story here, my story.

I just started writing the facts down about my life one day...............

(part 72) VERVE RECORDS AND FREE SPEECH

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Fortunately or unfortunately, as the case may be, I am telling my story. The argument I am having with myself, and some of you, is a carbon copy of the kinds of arguments I was having with Verve Records, Steve Clark, and others at the end of 1967 over the direction my next album would take.

I am not continuing to talk about the subject of "free speech" as a side issue to the story, it is a central issue of the story. In 1967 Verve Records was the label I was on, but the exective hierarchy wanted to decide what I could or could not do as a follow up album to "Color Him In."

I was always told the album didn't do that well, but I had a vague suspicion the record had done better than I was being led to believe by those at Verve. Because of this, I wanted to have a say about the songs and production of the next album. Verve was unwilling to grant me this freedom of expression.

It soon became a battle over free speech and artistic freedom. As an artist, freedom, and the right to it, is a dominant point of my story. I suppose if all you wanted me to do was simply talk about Chris Lucey and "Songs Of Protest And Anti Protest" and "Color Him In," and how they were made, then in essence the story is over.

But from a wider perspective the story has actually only gotten started. In 1964 I recorded "All I Want Is My Baby" in England, for Andrew Oldham. I had no say about the song or anything else that went on. I just cut the record the way he told me to, and was dissatisfied with it. On returning to America, in 1965, I was relegated to writing songs to someone else's titles and took on the name of Chris Lucey.

There was no free speech involved there. I was merely hired help. But "Vietnam/Metropolitan Man" on the other hand was an act of free speech, even though both songs were censored by Mira Records, because of subject matter. Each of those songs would have been forced into obscurity if not for their appearance in the movie "Mondo Hollywood."

Subsequent to that, none of my records were given an opportunity, on merit, to be heard or judged by the public at large, so for some to question my discussion about free speech and artistic freedom would seem to fly in the face of a problem I was constantly faced with. By the time I got to the follow up album to "Color Him In," the subject of freedom of speech was at the very heart of the entire matter with Verve.

What I asked for, in fact what I demanded, was the right to say what I wanted on the second album. I had paid my dues, in my opinion, by that time, and needed to be given some sort of artistic freedom with which to create a work that was not only controversial, but ground breaking in it's concept and execution.

I had gone along for years doing everything the way someone else wanted me to do it. But by 1967-68 I had made a decision that that would change. It was an exercise in "freedom" for sure, but also one of futility. Verve was afraid of what I wanted to do with the second album. They had heard some of what what I recorded, but decided not to release it, and to this day still refuse to give me copies of my own work.

In the past 2 years or so Verve/Universal was contacted on my behalf, and characteristically would not give me a copy of my contract with them. The excuse they gave, was that their contract was with Steve Clark and Our Productions, both of which no longer exist, and not with me. So this is not a vague unrelated rant by Bobby Jameson on his blog. This is a 40 year old ongoing controversy about the rights of an artist/writer, and the moral and ethical obligation of a label to right very old wrongs. In the end, neither I nor Verve/Universal could come to any agreement.

As of today, I still do not know what the legal ramifications of the split between Verve Records, Steve Clark/Our Productions, and Bobby Jameson were or are. I have never been paid a penny by Verve for "Color Him In." Not as an artist or its writer/composer. I have never been given an accounting of any kind by the label for the album. My break with Verve Records, in 1968, became the basis, in an odd sort of a way, for my next album, "WORKING."

(part 71) YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

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The tepid response to the lyrics of "Holy Holy Holy," and other songs I was writing in 1967, was used by Verve Records to moralize its way out of a contract, and to stifle artistic freedom by means of a business decision which allowed them to drop me from the label in the midst of recording my second album for them.

Had I been allowed to finish the album for Verve, which I was not, it would have been a controversial work of some merit, I believe, and would have been a meaningful record in both sales and subject matter. As was the case with my song "Vietnam," which was never promoted by Mira Records in 1966, because of it's subject matter, "HOLY HOLY HOLY" was singled out of existence by company politics at Verve.

The moral indignation of timid minds and small ideas was a throw back to the 50's and early 60's, when Lenny Bruce was getting arrested for merely using words like "shit" or "fuck" in his standup act. The moralizing about artistic endeavor had been a favorite of assholes and weaklings for too long in the music business.

It was around this time that Richard Pryor singlehandedly broke the barrier for the use of the word "motherfucker," which I'm sure still offends many of you. His courageous brilliance superseded the fear of using the word, as well as softening the venom associated with it's utterance in the arena of comedic genius. In other words, you have to view the entire context of a subject as opposed to singling out a specific word you might find distasteful.

In relating my story, and giving you the ammunition to shoot me down with it, I am moved to take a stronger position in defense of my own work, some of which I am making available for the first time in 40 years. If you think I did that so you could moralize or scrutinize my choice in subject matter, you're wrong.

I have no more patience with small minds now than I did in the 60's when I began creating this kind of material. If it were not for computers, the internet, myspace, facebook, and youtube, where I have made these works available, you never would have known about them at all.

If art is always subjected to some idiot at a record company or radio station, which it has been in the past, most of what you hear would never have been heard. Rap music is heard because the audience for it is greater than the moral opposition to it. I am not a rap fan, but that is not the point, it is the freedom of expression that has won out.

Now major labels have jumped on the bandwagon for one simple reason, money! It makes a lot of money! So where's the indignation? Where are the high minded morals? They have been tossed out for the sake of profit. So if I read this right, it means that profit is more important than morality.

My argument for "HOLY HOLY HOLY" is made crystal clear by the popularity of controversial rap and hip hop lyrics some forty years after I attempted to put forth a highly provocative work that some found offensive. If you take the position that Verve's dropping me from their label, based on my offensive subject matter, was appropriate then you are an asshole as well. You might as well go get a placard and mobilize a group to eliminate rap.

In writing this piece I asked my 89 year old mother what she thought about this particular segment and she felt as though I might be attacking the reader. I thought about this and told her that I was attacking the reader, if in fact they were moralizing in the manner that I am complaining about.

If you are not one them, then what I have said here does not apply. I don't want to write a blog for anybody if I have to edit and re-edit my thoughts, choice of words, or subject matter. I have my own opinion. I am sure that many people who may read what I write will simply not come back to read any more, that's fine. On the other hand, there will be people who are glad somebody is saying something other than the crap being perpetrated as fact.

There is an attitude in this country that if it's negative, it's bad, which I can not tolerate any more as a rational thinker. Of course you may disagree that I am rational. It's this, "we've got to be positive at all costs all the time." Why? Maybe if we spent more time being attentive to the truly negative things going on around us we could actually do something constructive about them.

Refusing to see something is exactly why we're still in a war that is a national tragedy, because few wanted to be seen as negative, back when we had the opportunity to say no to fools like George Bush and Dick Cheney. I tried to speak out about Vietnam and I was censored. I do not plan to be censored again. So if I have offended you, buck up, I have been offended my whole life.

If censorship is permitted, then freedom is challenged. You could do away with pornography, for example, simply because some people were offended by it. That may suit a few, but I am not interested in living under such conditions. Being born in the 40's I lived through the 50's and had to submit myself to the overbearing moralistic narrowness of that time, being too young to speak out.

When the 60's rolled in it heralded massive change to the overall structure of a society riddled with false taboos and boogeymen promulgated by the likes of Joe McCarthy. I vowed then to fight for the right of individual self expression. It's obvious that fight still continues.


Another of the demos from the period of 1967-68

(part 70) THE BOBBY JAMESON STORY CONTINUES...

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I get a lot of emails about what I write, as well as comments. Sometimes there are no comments, which is in a way the loudest of all commentary. Much of what is said is positive, but some of it is hard for me to understand, such as passing judgement on me for something that happened 40 years ago.

Some of what I describe is reiterated back to me, via comments and/or emails, as if it just took place, begging the question, "Are you sure you made the right, fair, or best decision in doing it?" Hell no! I'm not sure at all. It's just what I did back then.

If I sound pissed off and frustrated, I am. I'm relating my account, good and bad, about the past. I can't now change my decisions or judgement about the things I did then. I mean I could, but what would be the point? I could tell you a completely different story if I wanted to make myself look a whole lot better, but again, what would be the point?

The things I'm telling you here are at times difficult to relate publicly, because they make my judgement look flawed in some cases. It was, but it is still what I did at the time. Being screwed over, again and again, and taking too many drugs and drinking too much, was a good way to insure chaos, which I did. That is what I'm writing about here.

If you bring your own set of morals and beliefs to the table and read this, then I am sure of one thing, we will have disagreements. If on the other hand you come and read this like a text of a history, which it is, then you may gain an understanding of what I had to deal with, and how I tried to do it.

I am not proud of some of the things I did but they are done. Would I do some things differently now? Probably so, but I can't change the past so I am attempting to look at it for what it was. I was 19, 20, and 21 years old at the time of the story so far, and it was the 60's. Everything was much different then.

The world was changing by the second, and I was loaded and getting more loaded. Like it or not, the reality of alcoholism and drug addiction is progressive. You may think I could have done some things differently, but I am telling you flat out that what I did, even at my worst, was as good as I could do at that moment, whether you like it or not, or agree with me or not.

Once again, I didn't come here to make you like me or agree with me. I came here to tell my story, warts and all. Let's clear some things up! I don't like the music business at all. I have never met such dishonest two faced pricks in my life. I was not paid money I was owed for what I did, and in some cases, to varying degrees, was cheated out of the rights to my work.

To this day, I remain one of the victims of Tony Alamo, Andrew Oldham, Randy Wood, Betty Chiapetta, Abe Somer, Bob Cohen, Ken Handler, Steve Clark, and others.

If that fact changes in my lifetime, I'll become a nicer guy. Until then get off my ass with the, "Why are you so angry and bitter" bullshit. Man! If you don't know by now, at what, and why I am angry then I would suggest you stop reading anything I write because you've missed the point.

If you, your religion, or morals, have been offended or challenged, then maybe you don't really have any. Maybe what you think you believe in is so damned fragile that it's not worth much. I have stayed sober for 32 years living on piss water and phony goodness from condescending people from church's, 12 step programs, and everything else under the sun.

I learned a long time ago that if my sobriety was dependent on anything outside of my own deeply held and personal commitment to stay sober, no matter what happened or didn't happen, that I would be doomed to once again run from reality via drugs and/or the bottle.

I stay clean and sober even though everything that could have gone wrong did. Nobody can shake that, so nobody ought to be able to shake your beliefs about yourself. God is not offended, people are. God is not afraid, people are. God knows one thing about Bobby Jameson, and that is that I didn't quit, even though I had a million good reasons to throw in the towel.

Every day is like a disaster in my life, and it has been for many decades. I do not have the luxury of multiple choices in my daily life. I take what I've been given and I make use of it as best I can for today. I try and show up at this computer to spill my guts on the keyboard so some asshole can decide whether he or she agrees with me.

I don't care whether you agree with me or not. If that were the case I'd just stop writing this, and we'd all be comfortable in our ongoing state of denial. If I complain about not getting paid, somebody questions me for doing so. If I say people in the record business are assholes, somebody gets mad at me for that.

By the time I get through editing the things people don't think I should say, there won't be anything left to say! This is the Bobby Jameson story. This is the Bobby Jameson blog. It is not "critic"s corner" online. I have an attitude! So what? That's part of what makes me me. If you want to read about someone who you agree with you're probably reading the wrong blog.

If on the other hand you are interested in what happened to Chris Lucey/Bobby Jameson 40 years ago in the 60's, I can help you there. This is a true story. There are elements in it that will offend some of you. There are elements that you will disagree with, and you will question my actions and words.

The point of a true story is that it is true. It actually took place in the lives of real people, in real places somewhere in the past. I spent 27 years sober trying to believe that the past was the past and I should just let it be. That almost killed me. Now I am realizing that everything I am today is linked forever to what I have done, what I have said, and what I have thought about.

Only by joining my past with my present will I ever have a future and be a truly whole human being. The past and its wounds will only heal through honest recognition, by the creator of that past in the present light of day, or simply stated, "Acceptance of oneself."


This is another demo from the 1967-68 period...I will continue to post various demos as I go...