Friday, March 14, 2008

(part 39) ZONE X

It has taken days of thinking and extreme reluctance before I could even return to this story at all. My music site on myspace was destroyed by someone who thought attacking me was in some way a good thing to do. I put up a new site, bare bones, and have 6 new songs.

In my last post I received 1 comment where I was asked what I hoped to achieve. I thought about that for days. Nothing! That's my answer. That's why this is titled Zone X. I have never received anything from the music business but misery. The only people that ever helped me were the women of Southern California who put me in their beds and their hearts. So when I am asked that question, and I am in no way belittling it, I thought long and hard about an answer.

I am too afraid to ever think that anything good will come out of me telling this story. I am telling this story because it has never been told, and I grew tired of reading the lies and non-facts about me on the internet. I have nothing but my story and my music from which I have not gained financially. I came here to tell my story for me. That is the only reason I am even continuing at all.

If I relied on getting anything else but that to continue writing, I would have to stop now. To think, which I have, that I would benefit in any way from writing this, and then find out in the end that it was just like it's always been, and still is, I don't think I could stand it. I think that if my disappointment becomes any greater than it has been and continues to be, that I would just give up and disappear for ever.

I am not a person who gets help. I am a person who could surely use some, but at 63 years old in April, I have resigned myself to the completely concrete notion, that I have not been helped much and probably never will be. I can live with that. I cannot live with false hope.

Maybe you think I just need a better attitude or a more positive outlook. Hopefully you have not, and will not, have to live through my life or anything similar to it. If you have, or are, then you are a brother or sister of mine forever. My position is born out of bitter experience, not a negative outlook on life. The reason I am still around is because I have never given up on Bobby Jameson. Pretty much everybody else did, with the exception of my family.

On April Fool's Day I will have 32 years of sobriety. Free from drugs and alcohol, so that is who I am, a story from the past to now, and a sober individual who is writing it down. I am ZONE X. My life is ZONE X. I hate it, but it's the hand I have been dealt.

Many people have sat in judgement of me and many still do. One would think that after all this time I could just share my story and music without getting my head beat in, but that is not the case, as I have found in the last week. For what ever reason, and if you use your imagination I'm sure you can come up with a couple, I seem to bring out the worst in some people. I have always done this. I brought out the worst in Randy Wood, Andrew Oldham, and Tony Alamo, and I am still paying the price.

As I continue to relate my story, you will see that it gets progressively worse. No matter how hard I tried, I could not find one person who was worth trusting in the long run. I am in no way trying to imply that I did not share in the calamity that was my life, but I do believe, that if I could have found one fair person to work with, I possibly would not be here now telling you this story, the ZONE X story.