Thursday, May 15, 2008



I get a lot of emails about what I write, as well as comments. Sometimes there are no comments, which is in a way the loudest of all commentary. Much of what is said is positive, but some of it is hard for me to understand, such as passing judgement on me for something that happened 40 years ago.

Some of what I describe is reiterated back to me, via comments and/or emails, as if it just took place, begging the question, "Are you sure you made the right, fair, or best decision in doing it?" Hell no! I'm not sure at all. It's just what I did back then.

If I sound pissed off and frustrated, I am. I'm relating my account, good and bad, about the past. I can't now change my decisions or judgement about the things I did then. I mean I could, but what would be the point? I could tell you a completely different story if I wanted to make myself look a whole lot better, but again, what would be the point?

The things I'm telling you here are at times difficult to relate publicly, because they make my judgement look flawed in some cases. It was, but it is still what I did at the time. Being screwed over, again and again, and taking too many drugs and drinking too much, was a good way to insure chaos, which I did. That is what I'm writing about here.

If you bring your own set of morals and beliefs to the table and read this, then I am sure of one thing, we will have disagreements. If on the other hand you come and read this like a text of a history, which it is, then you may gain an understanding of what I had to deal with, and how I tried to do it.

I am not proud of some of the things I did but they are done. Would I do some things differently now? Probably so, but I can't change the past so I am attempting to look at it for what it was. I was 19, 20, and 21 years old at the time of the story so far, and it was the 60's. Everything was much different then.

The world was changing by the second, and I was loaded and getting more loaded. Like it or not, the reality of alcoholism and drug addiction is progressive. You may think I could have done some things differently, but I am telling you flat out that what I did, even at my worst, was as good as I could do at that moment, whether you like it or not, or agree with me or not.

Once again, I didn't come here to make you like me or agree with me. I came here to tell my story, warts and all. Let's clear some things up! I don't like the music business at all. I have never met such dishonest two faced pricks in my life. I was not paid money I was owed for what I did, and in some cases, to varying degrees, was cheated out of the rights to my work.

To this day, I remain one of the victims of Tony Alamo, Andrew Oldham, Randy Wood, Betty Chiapetta, Abe Somer, Bob Cohen, Ken Handler, Steve Clark, and others.

If that fact changes in my lifetime, I'll become a nicer guy. Until then get off my ass with the, "Why are you so angry and bitter" bullshit. Man! If you don't know by now, at what, and why I am angry then I would suggest you stop reading anything I write because you've missed the point.

If you, your religion, or morals, have been offended or challenged, then maybe you don't really have any. Maybe what you think you believe in is so damned fragile that it's not worth much. I have stayed sober for 32 years living on piss water and phony goodness from condescending people from church's, 12 step programs, and everything else under the sun.

I learned a long time ago that if my sobriety was dependent on anything outside of my own deeply held and personal commitment to stay sober, no matter what happened or didn't happen, that I would be doomed to once again run from reality via drugs and/or the bottle.

I stay clean and sober even though everything that could have gone wrong did. Nobody can shake that, so nobody ought to be able to shake your beliefs about yourself. God is not offended, people are. God is not afraid, people are. God knows one thing about Bobby Jameson, and that is that I didn't quit, even though I had a million good reasons to throw in the towel.

Every day is like a disaster in my life, and it has been for many decades. I do not have the luxury of multiple choices in my daily life. I take what I've been given and I make use of it as best I can for today. I try and show up at this computer to spill my guts on the keyboard so some asshole can decide whether he or she agrees with me.

I don't care whether you agree with me or not. If that were the case I'd just stop writing this, and we'd all be comfortable in our ongoing state of denial. If I complain about not getting paid, somebody questions me for doing so. If I say people in the record business are assholes, somebody gets mad at me for that.

By the time I get through editing the things people don't think I should say, there won't be anything left to say! This is the Bobby Jameson story. This is the Bobby Jameson blog. It is not "critic"s corner" online. I have an attitude! So what? That's part of what makes me me. If you want to read about someone who you agree with you're probably reading the wrong blog.

If on the other hand you are interested in what happened to Chris Lucey/Bobby Jameson 40 years ago in the 60's, I can help you there. This is a true story. There are elements in it that will offend some of you. There are elements that you will disagree with, and you will question my actions and words.

The point of a true story is that it is true. It actually took place in the lives of real people, in real places somewhere in the past. I spent 27 years sober trying to believe that the past was the past and I should just let it be. That almost killed me. Now I am realizing that everything I am today is linked forever to what I have done, what I have said, and what I have thought about.

Only by joining my past with my present will I ever have a future and be a truly whole human being. The past and its wounds will only heal through honest recognition, by the creator of that past in the present light of day, or simply stated, "Acceptance of oneself."

This is another demo from the 1967-68 period...I will continue to post various demos as I go...